Well, well, well. I think this may be the most ridiculous thing / rumour that I have read in my twenty two years of living on this planet… or the past year, at least.
After numerous campaigns to promote ‘healthy’ eating (I say this facetiously, as I wouldn’t say that a few salad and fruit bags are the key to saving our generation from its slum of obesity), McDonald’s has taken the extreme.
Yes. You read the title correctly. McDonald’s will apparently be refusing service to anyone below the age of eighteen. As if it wasn’t degrading enough walking in there on a Sunday afternoon with a banging hangover and mouth so dry that a small animal could well be dead in there, the ‘service with a smile’ approach will now be service with a smile… and ID, please.
Supposedly, they’re trying to reduce obesity in children and teens, and believe that this will be the beginning of something great. Oh okay, it’s not as if there are hundreds of other fast-food retailers out there willing to rake in the pocket money of young’uns that are in desperate need of their MSG fix.
Can we just take a moment to picture the possible outcome of this… Picture those that are under 18, glamming up to look the part (just like for a classy night in the local town) as they totter across the beautifully tiled floor of the Golden Arches, with ID that they’ve acquired from an older sibling, or even better- online. You know those hilariously fake driving licenses that teens acquire, with a photo of them giving the camera some sort of ‘manly’ gurn and furrowing their brows to give off a ‘worn and wrinkled’ effect? Or wearing so much make-up that the eyes look like deep pits of adult anguish, combined with bright red lips to give an ‘I’m slutty and available’ look?
Yeah, those beauties.
Forget fake ID for buying alcohol and nights out. I think we have ourselves a much more pressing need for the small plastic card that will lead us to salt-fuelled happiness.
Or perhaps we’ll see a flux of shifty looking parents in the queue, twiddling their thumbs as if waiting to buy a bottle of WKD for their child to take down the park for the evening. (Those were the days…)
But instead, they’ll be queuing nervously for a box of liver-ruining McNuggets or the infamously lethal Smarties McFlurry.
What about those of us that are actually legally permitted to indulge in such risky behaviour? Looking at me, you wouldn’t put me a day over 17, and I’m certain that there are many other adults that suffer with this ‘youthful’ dilemma.
I’ll tell you what, if I was having an intense MaccyD’s craving and refused service because of my ridiculously baby-looking face and stunted growth, I would not be leaving the premises without a good fight… even if that meant I was dragged from the building with my arms flailing and legs kicking, calling employers highly offensive names such as ‘greasy wanker’ and ‘lard fuck’.
I don’t even know what to write anymore. I just have this image of everyone going insane and piling in McDonalds in the next few weeks for a final taste of un-restricted goodness, just like when everyone went mental over petrol strikes a few years back and bought enough milk and break to last for months.
The idea is just fucking ridiculous and will clearly fall before it even gets to its feet.
“Oh shit. McDonald’s is off limits. I guess we’d better run home and eat a salad then.”
ID’ing in McDonald’s? Next joke, please.